


Glitterbomb

by aspoonie500



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Gen, Glitter, Humor, but the idea won't shut up, probably, qui-gon jinn will appear in part three, so here we go, this is entirely absurd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29164293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspoonie500/pseuds/aspoonie500
Summary: Absurdity, what if the people in the Qui-gon Jinn Hate Squad from ArianaDeralte's How a Romance Novel Saved the Galaxy decided to send Qui-gon a glitter-bomb card?
Comments: 71
Kudos: 408





	1. The Plan

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [How a Romance Novel Saved the Galaxy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27331213) by [Ariana Deralte (ArianaDeralte)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArianaDeralte/pseuds/Ariana%20Deralte). 



**Qui-gon Jinn Hate Squad Unite Forum**

#### Text Post

> JetiiHunter>>> Hey, so I saw this super cool website the other day holo.glitteryourenemies.net and you can have them send a card full of glitter to your enemies. They even have singing options! We should totally send one to QGJ, maybe it can list all of the reasons he's a terrible person? What do ya'll think?  
> 

alpha_hunter>>> omg that would be hilarious. he'd sparkle for DAYS, this is pure genius. we should totally pool some money and send him teh fanciest card we can

mythosaurus>>> Haha, that would so serve him right

sharp_>>> oh force, that would be hilarious

tookaL0ver>>> Totally, so how do we find his address? 

da-best-slicer>>> slicing time! 

eek_a_MSE>>> um. Not to be a total downer, but would he even get it? Like. Does the temple filter mail for the Jedi? I bet they get some weirdos trying to send them some shit. So would it even be worth it? 

mythosaurus>>> @eek_a_MSE you are so boooooring, just let us have our fun, ugh. 

cabur>>> *puts on Mod Hat* @da-best-slicer Rule 5: please keep everything legal, otherwise, carry on

JetiiHunter>>> maybe the Jedi have a contact us form? that tells you how to send stuff to Jedi? Or find a particular Jedi. I bet there's a courier service on Coruscant that could deliver it. 

eek_a_MSE>>> @mythosaurus there's no need to be mean, we don't want ot waste our money on something thats definitely going to fail

sharp_>>> i found a complaints box on their official holonet site so we can totally spam that to get at them

sharp_>>> though maybe only people who met QGJ??? idk 

cabur>>> probably shouldn't spam them, what if we bury other complaints? but definitely a good thought

tookaL0ver>>> okay, but has anyone tried submitting a question to the Jedi system about sending a Jedi a gift? 

alpha_hunter>>> i will now!

da-best-slicer>>> what they say?!??

alpha_hunter>>> [link to screenshot that totally exists]

cabur>>> @alpha_hunter please post the text! not everyone can see images!

alpha_hunter>>> right, sorry, here:  
Thank you for your inquiry [apha_hunter], all packages and letters addressed to Jedi are scanned with the force before they are given to their recipients to ensure no harm comes to any of our Jedi. Thank you for your interest in sending a thank you note, [Redacted Name 2] 

JetiiHunter>>> So this is sounding totally doable. who wants to be responsible for buying it? 

eek_a_MSE>>> what message do we want to send? and how do we want to sign it? 

mythosaurus>>> ooh, what about "you're an awful buir and you should feel bad" - mando anon

sharp_>>> that might be too aggressive, tho

mythosaurus>>> @sharp_ well i don't see you contributing anything

CaptainCarpetShip>>> MOD NOTE: @mythosaurus rule 1. Be kind to fellow contributors. Thanks. 

alpha_hunter>>> how about something admonishing him to be nicer to ad'e? because thats why were're doing this in the first place, right? 

JetiiHunter>>> @alpha_hunter that sounds like a good idea! 

totallynotajedi123>>> ooh, let me help! maybe QGJ, Stop being a banthas ass and see a mind healer. -every adult ever

cabur>>> I like that. Maybe without the swearing? 

JetiiHunter>>> eh, he deserved it. and hes a grown up, so he can handle ti. 

JetiiHunter>>> okay, so it looks like its 5 credits to send the card and an extra 5 for same day delivery on corascant 

JetiiHunter>>> whos in? send me a couple credits to my $sharecreditsaccountlink if you can

totallynotajedi123>>> sent

alpha_hunter>>> sent

mythosaurus>>> sent

sharp_>>> sent

cabur>>> sent

da-best-slicer>>>> sent

JetiiHunter>>> ordered!!!! it should arrive in the next cycle!!! i wish we could see his face when he opens it!!!


	2. totallynotajedi123

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ensuring the delivery makes it to its intended recipients. Fay is being a trickster because she can be. And to annoy Yoda.

Comm Conversation shortly after card is sent to the order (claiming to be a thank you for Qui-Gon Jinn)  
$totallynotajedi123: hey, Yaddle, I need a favor. 

$yaddle: Fay, what now? 

$totallynotajedi123: this will be fun, why are you so negative? 

$yaddle: stir up trouble, you do  
$yaddle: sulking Yoda has been, after dressing down you gave

$totallynotajedi123: he deserved it and you know it. I want to make sure a very special card gets to Master Jinn

$yaddle: ...special card you say? 

$totallynotajedi123: from Mandalorians  
$totallynotajedi123: so are you in?  
$totallynotajedi123: can you take a holo when he gets it? 

$yaddle: holo I will take  
$yaddle: owe you a favor, I will no longer. Worth it, is this? 

$totallynotajedi123: so, so very worth it. best accomplice ever.  
$totallynotajedi123: here's the delivery information: [link]


	3. delivery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Delivery, described by an innocent bystander

Mace wondered why Master Yaddle had commed him to meet her here of all places. This was just a hallway where a number of non-padawan-having masters lived. But when he checked the force, it kept nudging him to stay and watch. _Okay, then._ He gets a couple of weird looks from residents walking past, but then he sees Master Yaddle up ahead waiting by a door. When she sees him walking towards her, she knocks on the door. 

"Who is it?" Master Jinn grumbles. _wait. why master Jinn?_

"Delivery for you, there is." Master Yaddle returns, "open it, you should." 

Jinn takes the envelope from Yaddle. 

_envelope, where did that come from? why does she have an envelope? why is she stepping back away from Jinn?_ The force feels like its laughing at him. _Must have something to do with the contents of the envelope..._

As Jinn pinches the sides of the envelope to see whats inside,

**Poof!**

A cloud of glitter escapes the envelope, directly into Jinn's face. 

Yaddle gets a perfect holopic of the moment. 

Mace erects a force-shield to avoid the glitter before he loses his composure and starts laughing. _Dignity is overrated._ Yaddle can barely hold the holo-recorder steady she's laughing so hard. Jinn is Not Amused. 

Jinn is projecting exactly how he feels about this into the force. "Master Windu. Master Yaddle. What is the meaning of this?" he thunders. 

Yaddle manages to squeak "a card there is," muffled giggles erupt, and she gets out "explain all, it will" 

Jinn reaches into the envelope and pulls out the card. More glitter falls out onto Jinn's feet. 

_Mace wonders how he failed to notice Jinn was barefoot. Probably too busy laughing._

The card reads:  
**Master Jinn.**  
**Stop being a bantha's ass and act like a grown-up. Be nice to ad'e.**  
**\- Literally Every Adult Ever**

"What-" Jinn starts to ask, sees that the two councilors are leaning on the walls crying with laughter, and stalks into his quarters, offended. Surely Master Yoda will be more sympathetic than those two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The holo-pic gets posted to the original thread and the entire Qui-gon Jinn Hate Squad lose their collective minds. If the holo-pic gets framed in a couple of Jedi's private quarters, well. Thats not anyone's business but their own.


End file.
